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Be careful. You're treading the line of good mystery and bad. I like the crisp descriptions. It's vivid without slowing the pace.

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I'm curious what made you feel like it could go bad?

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As your character asked for answers I did too and was a little turned off when they weren't forthcoming. I recently read an article about (not) orienting readers. The author discussed this in more detail there. If I find it again I can send it your way.

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OK, that's a fair point. It's just that some answers could affect how Hatash behaves, that's why Sebharan remains so quiet most of the time. But there *are* answers coming ;)

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I struggle with this balance. A professor and I discussed the problem. I explained to him how I was setting up the domino's to knock them down later, and he said I'd loose the reader's interest. In retrospect he was right, tho I didn't admit it then. You have a tougher challenge because your character needs to be in the dark while the audience needs orientation. How do you keep the reader wondering but not lost?

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That said, to answer your question about how to keep the reader wondering but not lost, I think it could be about giving *some* answers, but just not all of them. That's kind of what I do here as Sebharan sometimes does answer, sometimes not. Depends on the questions. It's kind of a balancing act.

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I wonder if serializing the story makes it harder because of the wait between the chapters. I'm curious now, ha! You'll have to tell me when all the chapters are out if you feel it worked or not. And if it doesn't work, it'd be interesting to see if reading it as a short story (the whole thing is only around 6000 words) would give a different impression (I'm guessing it would if it's read in one sitting, but I could be wrong).

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I am reminded of Lovecraft's "Reanimator" which used lengthy summaries of previous installments because each appeared a month apart. It didn't work well as a short story. But that's not what is happening here, necessarily. The issue is whether unanswered questions are better received without the weekly interval. I suspect the answer is yes. In any case, my objective is to stimulate conversation. Thanks for your time.

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